Sunday, May 6, 2012

Dr. Death is waddling into the Building

As part of the spring ice show, I have been selected to be Death--Destroyer of Worlds. Since commercial costume sizes run very small I have to wear a Plus size costume. Right now I feel like Muffin---Destroyer of Waistlines.

We had our first practice last week at Big City Rink with the director, Coach Amazing, going over the basic dance steps for the block of skaters. Recruiting is still going on and we don't know how many adults will participate.  My role as Death---Destroyer of Worlds, is to use a hockey stick  to lead the zombie orchestra, and use the stick to 'sweep' the star performers into their turns as their time comes up. It's a character role. I skate around a lot and wave my arms.

My job is to be a ham.

I can do that.

The problem is the hockey stick.

I've done this role before at Lake Placid and I practiced with the stick there. But my role was very small. I hung around the boards and shook it 'evilly' at people. Then at cue one  I skated in the center, did a slow two foot spin and slammed the stick down on cue two. This time there's more skating.

But no place to practice with that stupid stick. The stick is sized to the player. Do you know how tall most players are? How short I am? I need a child's stick. Not very threatening.

So I'm a little concerned with the stick. Under the press of time, I consulted Coach Cruella who said 'hold it this way' then 'no, this other way'.  And in the end I was no more certain than before.  I may end up having to consult Dance Coach at HockeyTown Rink who apparently skates on the 'losingest' recreational hockey team in the HockeyTown area. Other hockey players at the rink rave about his skating. "OMG. It's amazing the stuff he does!" They'll say then go on to describe some trivial figure skating thing--like a three turn into some mohawk to a back three into a power crossover. In their eyes he's this amazingly fluid hockey skater instead of an amazing fluid ice dancer in a jersey.  I asked him about this one time. "So, does your skating background make you good at hockey?" He rolled his eyes, "No stick skills." 

But do you know how to hold one?

Coach Amazing wanted me to wear a hockey jersey over my costume. So, NO. First off I'm paying for the costume myself and hockey jerseys cost Real Money. And don't come in petites. I said I'd make a fake jersey and put a fake emblem on the back.

Then we were stumped. We skate at the Big City practice rink for an NHL team. Which is better (politically)? Put the local hockey team's emblem on the back or a rival hockey team's emblem on the back?  Coach Amazing grabbed Notable Bob to ask his opinion.

He said, "Well, there's the Flyers. We have a rivalry with the Flyers. And the emblem is black and white." a pause. "Or the Penguins."

I was a little surprised by my visceral reaction. "I am not skating as a Penguin. I already look enough like a penguin!"

They do have the most adorable emblem though. It makes you want to go out and hug a hockey player.
Hug a Player.

So back of the costume, still undetermined. Pretty sure though, I'm not going to waddle away in my Plus sized costume with a penguin on the back.

Edit: For those interested, there will be a skull on the back......Maybe.


  1. "Big Boot Tim" ... hah! And I suspect I know him.

    1. Shhhhh. Don't give me away. He only has a vague idea that I exist as the elderly woman in his way when he's giving lessons during adult public.