Monday, May 28, 2012

Decepticon on Ice

Since I started taking lessons from Coach Cruella, I've skated deeper in the knee than ever before. It's really improved my skating. More power, deeper edges, greater stability.

Then, I get to back edges in waltz hold. Butt neatly tucked, down in the knee, looking at the right place over Dance Coach's ear. I'm mentally patting myself on the back. Then Dance Coach says.

"Deeper in the knees."

I goggle at him a bit, but just like a well trained dog I go deeper in the knee. At this point I feel like I'm about to sit down in a chair. I mean, I'm pretty sure I'm not chair sitting deep in the knee, but I'm deeper than sitting on a bar stool deep in the knee. Depressingly, I realize that 'deep in the knee' is the great deceptor. I have no clue where I am in knee bend after a certain point. Maybe because I'm a 'mature' skater, or maybe it's some defect in my head wiring. Don't know.

So for me, knee bend is the Decepticon of ice dance. It's never what I think it is.

Remember the Decepticons? And the Autobots? Transformers, remember those? From the 80's? Oh, and there were some movies too.

Anyway, what I need to do is skate like a red-eyed Decepticon, and not like the good guy blue eyed Autobots. My proof:


All the Decepticons are like this. Good knee bend. Lots of cool weaponry.

Plus, they convert into cars.

If they were smaller, and nimble, minus the weapons, they'd probably be able to solve the male ice dance partner shortage.

Sad. They're the 'bad' guys. But can they do choctaws?

And here is one of the 'good' guy Autobots.

Note that he/she/it/whatever is as stiff in the knees as a first time skater in a pre-Alpha class.

Oh, and yellow--so 1998.

So Decepticons can skate. I happen to have some video of one skating at a top-secret test facility. And it is a Decepticon. Note the red eyes.

Listen, I'm so desperate for an ice dance partner that I'm trying to convert hockey players by telling them it will improve their hockey. At this point, I'd skate with a he could drive me to the rink!

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