Tuesday, November 29, 2016


When you're learning jumps, you get air between the ice and your blades. Some people have great air, and other people have 'credit card air.'  In other words, they clear just about the height of a flat credit card. Sadly, sometimes a lot of effort doesn't get much reward, but you have to start somewhere.

Credit Card Air

I don't think I even have credit card air.

Right now,  I have 
yappy little dog overdosed on espresso air.

And I swear, I am this adorable

Sunday, November 27, 2016

Checking Three Turns...Still

You know when you have some 'little problem' with your skating and your coach keeps coming back to it again and again. Meanwhile, you're just toddling along happy enough to be doing that skill 'good enough' until your coach decides to have a 'fixie' lesson.

Yeah, checking FO3 is back. Again. Because I can't check my 3's. Still.

Basically, not enough ice time to fix everything that's
wrong with my skating.
I've developed this turn technique where I jerk my leading shoulder to make the 3 happen.  My coach looks at it, and asks, "Can you not do that?"

"I can try."

Anyway,  so I visualize volley balls in my shoulder joints. I know, you're thinking, where the heck did that come from? Man who knows; Back during '70's  there was all this hippy visualization shit I picked up from somewhere, and to be frank, Volleyballs in my shoulders just popped into my head.

Does it work? Yeah, pretty much. It's a trick to get me to hold my arms and shoulders in the right position, but it's not like a miracle occurs.

Then since I'm holding my upper body differently, I have to fix my push off, upper body, freeleg position, and head position.

Start out 'fixing' one thing, end up fixing 5 things. That's figure skating for you!

Thursday, November 24, 2016

Christmas Gifts for Every Skater

It's that time of year again for the annual Ice Doesn't Care Blog Christmas gift list. A couple of repeats here of things that are really worth while

1.  Conductive fiber.  
This thread can be sewn into the fingertips of gloves so a skater who has a beloved pair of gloves can continue to wear them, and still use them on touch-screens.  I know there's gloves with touch screen compatibility built in, but they're crap. This thread gives you more conductivity.

2, No Slip gloves   These are the stretchy gloves with little rubber/plastic nubbins on the palms to keep  expensive electronics from slipping onto the ice. If you can't find them that are touchscreen compatible, you can always sew in some conductive fiber. Mission done!

3. Freestyle or public ice tickets. Everyone loves gift ice!

4. Pay for a skating seminar or lessons with a ballet teacher, physical trainer, or even some sessions with the Alexander Technique (for adults).

5.  Volunteer to help stone a costume. True friends will do this.

6. Skating protection for the skater with jumping falls. I like SkatingSafe, but there's other companies out there.

For Coaches.

1. Cash. Back when I gave cash as a gift to my coaches, I usually made it for 2 lessons (but never less than $50). Some people don't like to give money, but you and your coach are in a business relationship, it's not necessary to give something personal unless you are friends. And by friends I mean go to each others house, or see each other socially to the point where you know tastes in music, hobbies, sports teams and decoration. If you're reading this blog you probably don't have a high level coach who's taken skaters to national or international events. If you do, discreetly ask  another adult skater  how that coach feels about Christmas 'bonuses'.  That level of coach lives in a different world than I skate in, so no clue.

2. Booze. I do not kid you, the sweetest little ol' coaches that you ever did see will ask for liquor. Some will be very specific on brand.

3. Booze wrapped in money.

Probably a little over the top, but hey! it's Christmas!

Tuesday, November 22, 2016


How you feel at the beginning of the test

Then comes that moment when things begin to go horribly, horribly wrong

Sunday, November 20, 2016

Awkward Moments in Recreational Ice Skating #2

When you see this on public and you just want to scream!

(And yes this happens)

Thursday, November 17, 2016

Introducing the Maple Leaf Flip

According to Miss Cheerleader, air actually passed between my blades and the ice, with a nice upper body position in my Canadian style half flips or as I shall call it "the maple leaf flip".

 AND BOTH WAYS!  Hear that old age and Death, my maple leaf flips has AIR and BOTH WAYS!

 Please Rise Ladies and Gentlemen for the Canadian National Anthem
(with a Maple leaf flipping in the air appropriately)

(okay it was like credit card air, but it was still air.)

Tuesday, November 15, 2016

My Skating Stash Has Got Out of Hand

I left the rink in a hurry after Friday public last week, and accidentally left my wrist guards and my gloves. I didn't notice until I got to lesson the next day. Well, I had an extra pair of gloves in the bag, and (I reassured myself) I had a backup pair of wristguards at home.

I went into the storage 'room' (third bedroom) when I got home to pull out my back up wrist guards from my 'stash'.

I'd show you a picture of it, but I'm just too embarrassed

3 old worn out duffels, one of which holds my Death costume and extra bits of fabric for costumes, the rest are filled with gloves I bought on sale, knee highs, winter hats, and 'WTF is this in here for?' stuff.

A huge rolling  tool box that I once thought would hold my entire skating stash. It has a pair of dance boots in the bottom, and the two trays are filled with mismatched blade guards, and my extra wrist guards! Woohoo!

Two totes filled with blade rags, mismatched gloves, moleskin still in the package, callus doughnuts still in the package,  pens, stamps, and notecards leftover from a long ago skating party.

A pair of freestyle boots sitting by themselves all on their lonesome. Plus, 3 pairs of blades (including 1 pair of patch blades), a pair of boot insoles, leftover boot fitting thingies, and a boot punch.

A dance dress that still doesn't fit, a red lace bolero for the failed canasta tango, a body shaper, and a pair of black booty shorts to wear under the dress.

And on top of the pile, like a cherry on a sundae, is a viking hat that I'm saving for a costume someday in the future. It just appeared on my desk one day at work, and I knew what it was meant for. Thank you, unknown skating costume donor, whoever you are.
Now everything is spread over the floor as I try to reorganize it. It looks like  the leftovers of looting in a Winter Wonderland at Macy's after Christmas is over.

I think I'm going to get some plastic containers, and a labelling system. Or maybe, I need something like this...

"Luggage, hand me some gloves."

Saturday, November 12, 2016

Things Only Figure Skaters Understand #11

When You Get to the Rink and Find Some Piece of Skating Equipment is Missing From The Car




 Wrist Guards or Pads


Friday, November 11, 2016

Spanish Three Turns, Salchows, and the Canadian Half Flip

There are group lessons where I'm totally lost.  Maybe it's because I'm always standing behind the coach so I can't make out what she's saying, or in my old age I'm losing my hearing, but I have no idea how all this stuff ties together. The coach had a lesson plan, and there was a coherent thread of skills development, I just have no idea what it was.

We start off with 'Spanish Three Turns'. A Spanish three turn is where you do a double clap on the entry glide, bring your hands to your chest for the turn, then do a double clap on the back glide. I think this is to teach you to bring your hands to your chest during a turn and to help with timing. Honestly, I just liked the fact that the double clap made me work on holding my back glide. In case you don't know how to double clap, I found a training video.

Yeah, I know, there's a lot of weird stuff on the internet.

Then we did the Salchow. There was a lot of turning, arm positioning, head positioning, use of the core, etc. There's an arm I'm supposed to keep forward, or maybe back. Five minutes after the lesson is over I forget.

But during the class  I could step through the Salchow. That means my feet don't leave the ground, let's leave it at that.

I did get a pat on the back for my upright posture on the back glide into the jump entrance.  Woohoo!

Finally we learn the half flip. We learned the Canadian Half Flip--sadly I can't find any videos.  However, I can explain it. Back inside glide, toe pick in with the free foot, jump up with a half turn, land on the original skating foot.  Sort of an inside out half Lutz.

The American half flip, has like a mini-bunny hop at the end.

The American Half Flip

Anyway, it's my goal to learn all the half jumps. One down! Sorry, it has to be Canadian!

Spreading knowledge of their non-USFSA half flips

Saturday, November 5, 2016

Things only Figure Skaters Understand #10

Ever have one of those moments when you're working on something and a superior skater comes and nails it right in front of you. This is then followed by an exchange of looks....

I'm working on my 1 foot spin, when a girl FIFTY YEARS YOUNGER THAN I AM (15) comes in front of me and when she finishes a decent one foot spin, stops  and.......

She Looks at Me

I look at Her

Thinking: Your life must be pretty boring if you want to smack down an
adult old enough to be your grandma

She looks at me

I look at Her

Thinking: No offense sweety but I've had decades of staring people down
She Looks at Me
I look at Her
Thinking: Jeeze Louise, give it up already
She Skates Away 
I asked another adult skater what she does when stuff like this happens. She says, "Oh, I just tell her 'Nobody likes you'."
Damn, that's harsh. She really cut that 'figure skating ice princess' shit down to the bone with one strike.

Wednesday, November 2, 2016

Sweater Weather

Who doesn't love to wear a cute sweater to the rink? 

Bites thumb looking at Charlie's profile...

Old Fashioned Skaters
Movie Stars
oh yea,...."Toepick!"

That little girl in a sweater with a bunny on it skating fast in the wrong direction right at me on a crowded public  and I had to fall hard on a back edge so I wouldn't crash into her