Sunday, March 29, 2015

The Show Stop

As I'm skating some power thing, Miss Bianca's voice snaps out of the icy wilderness, "GOOD STOP!"

My first coach taught me how to to a 'show stop' and I lay that thing down like an Olympic Gold Medalist.

Oh, you say, anyone can do a T-stop.

I'm not talking about a T-stop, I'm talking about a show stop.

A show stop is this:

T-Stop  With
Erect Posture, Then
Ends with
Tits and Teeth!

Back in my 30's with a good bra, I could do this picture.

Miss Bianca say, "If you do a stop like that you can get away with murder in a comp. End with a classy show stop and you look matter what you did...a show stop says "I MEANT to do that!"

And if you really don't want to say "Tits and teeth" give the audience "The Girls and Pearls"!

Just try to smile! No matter how many times you fell!

Saturday, March 28, 2015

I Have Three Turn Checking!....Sort of.

LFO 3 Only

While Looking in The Glass To Keep my Arms Still


Damn right!

Today is the day I work my ass off for checking my RFO threes!


Sunday, March 22, 2015

I Need to Learn to Shut Up!

Saturday, Miss Bianca (my coach) asked me about my three turns. "They're okay, except for my checking."

This was followed by a half hour of checking torture.

Today I gave my coach a figure skating book for her collection. As she flipped through it, she stopped on an illustration of a two-foot hop.

"I can't even do that off-ice," I joke.

Miss Bianca looks up at me thoughtfully and says, "Next week I'm going to teach you the waltz jump."

I really, really  need to learn to keep my big mouth shut.

So, I'm sure Miss Bianca has in her mind what she wants my waltz jump to look like.

However, let me tell you, along with my spin phobia, my jump phobia, and my backwards skating phobia, I already can anticipate what my lesson next week will be like.

Fortunately, I am this cute!

Figure Skating Torture of the Damned--Check Please

Every muscle in my body below the waist is now wailing at me like a soccer player who has been accidentally touched by the little pinky of an opponent.

Miss Bianca decided to fix my non-existant three turn checks.

This involves half the lesson working on back edges half way round the hockey circle. I tense up as I try to : get my hips, back, knee, free foot aligned, and pull in my stomach.

It's amazing that I can hold my breath for as long as I do when I'm doing a back edge.

The rest of the lesson is three turn into the check. We have now identified more issues.

Three turn checking has now turned into the Neverending Story.

This part of the Neverending Story.
Not the happy part at the end.

 On the other hand, when Miss Bianca asked me to do some step behinds, I laid those things down like Fred Astaire. 

Thursday, March 19, 2015

Random Figure Skater Humor #1

How I Feel When My Skate Tech Tells Me I'm Ready to Make My Own Blade Adjustments

How I Feel When I Watch A Gold Skater Do Anything

Shaffer Pushes, Choctaws, and One Foot Spins

When I See An Out of Control Hockey Boy Coming My Way


Saturday, March 14, 2015

Double High Five!

Miss Bianca checked out my crossovers-with-second-push and said, "Beautiful."

Then she checked out my back-crossovers-with-full-cross-and-underpush and said, "Beautiful,"

I skate over and we do a high five.

Then she says, "Except for the last back cross."

I give her a frown. "I had to stop keep from hitting those little kids camping out on the circle!"

Miss Bianca gives me a look that  says either,  'Skate around them,' or 'Run them down.' Hard to tell.

What if I gofor, 'Run 'em down'?

But still, great crossovers! Second push and everything! No one's harshing my mellow over that!

Oh, Joy! Delight! Happiness! Perfection!!

“I have drunken deep of joy,
And I will taste no other wine tonight.”
Percy Bysshe Shelley

Source: Awkward Family Photos

From the 70's. Such happiness between a couple. How fit they are, how happy and genuinely in love with their sport.

Despite the source, there is nothing awkward about this photo.

Oooh, Oberhamer boots! You don't see those any more!

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Falls I Have Seen

The Kid Learning His Axel

The Skater Who Falls From an Opening Position

Contagious Falls

The Drama Queen

When I'm Showing Off

What My Coach Says!

Sunday, March 8, 2015


Due to what I'll call Satan's Winter, I haven't skated more than an hour a week and guess what. I'm stuck.

All us stuckees need to hold a party.
My back threes are going nowhere, my choctaw is just a dream, footwork without fear need a lot more practice.Stupid Snow.

On the other hand, I'm doing edge pulls. You know what that means!