Great Moments In Public Skate.1

Someone skates in front of me and I'm all dodgy;

And the ice tourists are all:

How'd she do that?

Or maybe

What just happened?

But I feel like:

Until some 12 year old does a flip right in front of me.

Winter's First Public Skate

Today should have had an empty rink for public. It was raining. It was Columbus day weekend and the sales were on. Everyone should have been at the mall or at home playing XBox. Instead they went to the rink.

I can't describe how crowded the rink was. There may have been a hundred people out there. Adults, kids, .....toddlers...., teens. Let's just assume there were a hundred people on the ice. Three hockey players, 8 figure skaters, and 89 ice tourists.

This is what the adult regulars looked like
when they saw the crush at the gate.

It was skateable. Okay, let me rephrase that. It was skateable if you were going forwards or had someone spotting for you backwards. It's not that the crowd was rough, it was just that there were so.many.people!  And so much RANDOMNESS in their skating!

At one point, one of the other adult skaters came up to me and said, "Be careful out here." I nodded, then as he and I parted ways, I dodged a random kid and skated right into him. Yeah, it was that kind of session, there were no escape routes.

As the session went on, all the figure skaters gradually slid into the center circle. Maybe it was the fact that there were so many of us in there, doing spins, small jumps, footwork, that the public stayed out. Not even the annoying aggressive sub-teen boys in hockey skates went in the center. First there was just a coach with a student, then other figure skaters passed through for a few seconds of skating--careful to stay clear of the lesson-- but as the crush of the ice tourists increased, the figure skaters stayed in the circle a bit longer each pass through. I worked on my two foot spin and edges. Skater Guy practiced his outside to inside  spread eagles. Teen girls did tiny jumps. The coach picked up her next student and the first one stayed to practice. The tension was building.

At the end of the first session, a solid wall of ice tourists swirled around the center. All the figure skaters were now confined inside the square, each concentrating on staying out of the others' way. Now there were 12 skaters in the center area guarding the center circle from the storm of rental skates. It felt like this:

 Heavy public sessions are now in season. Don't let a five year old take you down!

The Very Cheap Freestyle

Like many rinks in the summer, mine has an evening public session. Ours is right after a freestyle, so when I step on the ice, it's filled with pretty much the same people that skate on freestyle.

Then I realize the rink is quiet. No music at all on the loud speakers.

It was like skating in the 50's

There's no pop, no rock, no hip hop, no rap, no punk, no Electropop, glitchpop, hip house, nu-disco, synthpop, New Wave, new rave, trance, house , Hi-NRG, dance-pop,electroclash, electro-industrial, drum and bass, dubstep, glitchstep, liquid funk, electro house, glitch house, progressive house, breakbeat, hardstyle,dubstyle, drumstep, technopop, hip hop, Baltimore club, trap, or moombahton. Instead the sounds of the Dutch Waltz and Cha Cha waft over the ice.

 Dance Coach is teaching students. And somehow, he has convinced the rink to give him control of the music on a public session!

And the without angry music playing, the annoying little hockey boys are pleasant and polite.

Heavenly

Good on ya Dance Coach!

Okay, maybe just high fiving 2 angels, Still it was a nice public session!

Saturday Evening Publics

Most rinks have Friday and Saturday publics. There's sometimes a DJ, but mostly it's just loud pop/rock/rap/whatever music with (usually) lowered lights, and (sometimes) something like a disco ball.

What the rink makes it sound like in their ads:

What it's really like

Just in case you're wondering if it's worth going to for practice: probably not. Take your girl/boyfriend and squeal and grab her/him a lot. You'll fit right in.

A Good Day On Public Ice

So there I am, inside the cones in the center. It's a clearly marked center. I'm working on, let's say, 5 step mohawks in a circle.  Other figure skaters are sharing the space with me. We're cool. Lookin' out for each other, yeeah.

And then...I hear....HOCKEY SKATES BEHIND ME!

Fear grips my heart.

And some slack jawed hockey boy of an age OLD ENOUGH TO KNOW BETTER, goes through the circle...

And the figure skater rink guard WHO'S GOT A DAMN GOOD AXEL, gets in the hockey boy's face, and does this...

I'm like this...on the inside

yeah, baby, yeah!

Figure Skating Culture

Figure skating culture is very entre nous. While the literal translation is "between you and me", the broader meaning is "only understood by insiders".

Outsiders see figure skating as

OMG! OLEM- PIKS!

Insiders see figure skating as building skills and making the cut

Outsiders see skating as "entertainment"

Skaters see it as "a program"

Outsiders see skating "for little girls"

(Mike Kirby was one of the founders of ISI. 

A Manley woman podcast with his son David Kirby 

has some interesting US skating history)

Insiders see it "for everyone"

Ice tourists base their idea of skating on their experience of public skate:

Skaters see it as practice, practice, practice....and learn to live with pain.....

And finally, outsiders see skaters at "sparkly little princesses"

But we KNOW....WE.ARE.ATHLETES!

Vanessa James

Frames Of Death!

 Technically they're called 'skating aids', those usually metal frames that are rented to families with little kids to push around on public ice.

I hates 'em.

First off, they hold up the kid and the kid having no sense goes as fast as he can. Can he stop? No. Does he care that he's in center ice? No. Do kids leave the frames on the ice next to the gate? Yes. Do teenagers get hold of them and fight 'ice wars' with them? Yes.

My worst experience. A kid picked one up at threw it at my head. It wasn't personal. He wanted to throw something, I happened to be in the way. I gave him the rough edge of my tongue.

Still, using a skating aid has a long, long history. The earliest pictures I've seen use a chair. This makes sense. Cheap stable, and on outdoor ice it gives you something to sit on after you get off the ice.

The original skating aid

Interestingly, in China there's a long history of outdoor chair skating. It's evolved into some elaborate equipment. I think you push yourself along with the sticks.

But people came up with other designs.

Yes, this is weird.

But there's many, many patented designs for frames around the world.

The Break Your Heart Version

The one with the modesty panel
(Actually, this seemed the safest)

This one screams "Nose Breaker"

The one that will roll over

These are adjustable and I've seen a lot of broken ones

There's also a polar bear version

 But there are skating frames that defy rationality.

The double banana version
I think the parent pushes
and the kids ride.
Maybe.

The buy your own, portable frame
Why, God, Why

Good idea having a metal bar at groin level.
This.is.insane.
It's from a rink in the U.S.

But just when you think it couldn't get any worse, someone comes up with the ultimate skating frame. A two seater.

Undergoing off ice trials now!

So, take heart, whatever frames are on ice at your rink, it could be worse!

What Do Ice Tourists See?

Since there was no freestyle this weekend, and Miss Cheerleader let me know that Publics were still super crowded, I wasn't able to skate this weekend.

All the local rinks are like this right now
Why can't they put one in MY town.....

So I got to thinking about what it was like the first time I was an Ice Tourist. Since I started skating my idea about what is going on on the ice has completely changed. Today I want you to reach back into your memory about what it was like, 'the first time'.

First off, what's with all the screaming? 

Then, almost every one clings to the boards (I at least could do slaloms) and inches their way around the rink. But there are a few who have taken lessons, and these brave souls get away from the boards and stroke for all they're worth...

Yep, this is me

What the Ice Tourist sees.....

"OMG! Look at her!"

(I once zipped past an Ice Tourist and she called out "How do you DO that!" It was a very gratifying moment.)

And then there are the hockey boys who set out to scare people. They look something like this, short little 11 year olds, traveling in packs, usually of three.

What the Ice Tourist sees....

"Run, Run, Run from Ghidorah before it destroys us all!"

And what about the little girls in the center ice, doing their jumps that you can barely pass a credit card between the ice and the blade. 

What the girls are doing....

Look at me jump!

What the Ice Tourists sees....

"Look at her jump!"

Anyway, I can't wait until summer when public ice is like this....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY--TO YOU!

I don't know what rink started the genius idea of birthday parties at the rink. Brilliant! Money! Maker! Supply a cake costing $20, but charge $50, an empty room, and a coach that costs $20 a half hour and charge $50! Who thought this up! OMG! the money just rolls in!

Rink Manager  counting up the birthday party profits

Some weekends the birthday parties are so numerous that the rink has to stagger them so they can get the maximum profit out of each party room (on in the case of one rink, each party table).

I don't mind birthday parties on public. Let's face it, the kids are just adorable....

"Hello, I'm 5, and here's all my friends.
Where's my cake?"

It's up to the poor coach to herd the party together and get some teaching in. This forces the coach to being happy, smiling, sweet to the kids, but really all grumbly underneath. The coaches I've talked to do not like Birthday Parties. I see a lot of eye rolling, and frowns when coaches tell me about party coaching.

How the party skaters see the coach

What the coach is thinking!

But what I hate are party parents. You know who I mean. The adults who hang out in the gate, taking pictures. I can't get on the ice; I can't get off the ice. The parents are blocking the gate.

I don't blame them for wanting to take pictures, it's really very sweet. But they're just oblivious. There's 200 people getting off an on the ice and the parent just hangs there, pointing the camera desperately at their kid and yelling at them to 'Come over here!'

So in the spirit of being a good rink citizen, if they're that desperate for pictures I offer to take them for them. The parent will usually hand me their camera or phone, and I'll spent 4 minutes taking pictures of the party while I skate around. Give the phone back and miracle of miracles, the parent goes and sits down in the bleachers leaving the gate open.

And I build up karma points!

Guys with $800 cameras and no skating skills on the ice trying to take pictures of the party? I just let them alone.  I can never figure out expensive cameras, and I don't want to be the one to drop it! Let the guy who owns it catch a toepick and drop it.

Toepick!
Bummer about the camera man....

(Someday though, I want to rent the rink for a private party, invite all my skating buddies, then have some famous coach show up and give a group lesson...plus drinkies after!)