Fun with rink Learn to Skate schedules

 I'm getting back to writing again, so this starts the blog again. Finally I have enough stuff to be funny AGAIN!, 

For some reason the rink decided to to have a Basic Adult class- and graduate the adults once they learn to "stop" into Basic Intermediate. Those of us who are in Basic Intermediate, Adult 4 and above level (I'm back at Adult5/6 again) get to futz around in Basic Intermediate with Basic warm up skills. The coach is very nice about it, it's not her fault. Anyway the score in this class is two adults at 4/5/6, and ten adults who can stop. 

There's then practice Ice for 30 minutes.

Then I and the other adult 4/5/6 skater, join the Basic Skills 4 Kids class where the score is now: 5 adults , and 8,000,001 little kids. Okay, 10-12 kids. Little short kids. all looking up to me scaring the shit out me . They're fast, beneath my eyeline, and have the attention span of puppies and there's now 17 people in hockey circle. This is all the fear I feel in my life-some little kid is going to slam into me and I'm going to crush him. The terror.

And I can tell you  who that kid is: a fearless 8 year old boy who takes magnificent falls and gets up, and moves forward without looking for other people. Did I say he was fearless. Great hockey player someday. Right now, he's a missile with my name in his sights.

Fortunately, he's wearing a bright color and when he's headed my way, I can dodge.

His mother's in the class too, and I tell her I'm terrified of little kids, she has 2 kids on the ice and just laughs at me. Bless her.

The coach is a sweetheart. I'm still the strongest adult skater, and my edges and body position are a glory to behold, so  I guess they'll let me come back next week.

Remember the unmentioned coach of Adult Beginner? No? The one who kicks the adults into Adult Intermediate once they can stop? On the last day of class, I feel mean enough to join his class and just do alternating t-stops just to show him what a REAL STOP is!

It's Bruised Butt all over again

In 2015 I fell on my tailbone and bruised the bones on my coccyx. This is called coccydynia. I know that you're thrilled with the excitement of learning a new SKATING injury word to impress your orthopedic surgeon with.  YOU DO HAVE AN ORTHOPEDIC SURGEON DON'T YOU? Either a knee guy or a  butt guy.  Trust me. Eventually you'll need one or the other.

Anyway, my ortho retired a few years ago and then COVID happened. So now that I'm restarting skating again, I fell on my tailbone (again) and I have no ortho anymore. I'm a 50% disabled vet (the V.A, has lots of Orthos, so I'm getting a new otho there.)

 TAILBONE FALLS ARE HELL ON EARTH.

THE Excruciating PAIN CAN LAST FOR TWO MONTHS. 

I know the new ORTHO  will tell me to stop skating. 

I'm debating if I should pretend to be 50 instead of 72 just to trick him

Instead I'm getting butt pads and ignore him.

HA! Take that ORTHO!!

Me and My Hockey Playing Podiatrist

 I went to see my hockey playing podiatrist today for the fourth and final visit on the walnut sized corns on the bottom of my feet. I found out today that my podiatrist graduated from Yale. and his brother is the hockey coach to another Ivy League university. With that background not only do my feet get healed we got in a damn fine discussion of Radius of Hollow (ROH) of hockey versus figure skating. How many of your doctors can make your painful day of minor surgery go easier by talking about ROH?

These feet, plus a scapael, plus some acid, and 2 weeks of limping. 

As my podiatrist hands me my socks he says, " I'm perfectly fine with a half inch ROH." 

"I like my 15/32 inch ROH perfect for the first time skating after a sharpening."

"My sharpener was my barber when I was a kid."

I laughed. "His skills with his blades, were they THAT good?" 

"He was a professional sharpener before he switched to barberin." He made wry grin."And he was a bookie. He used to cut my brother's hair too short on the left side while he took bets with the phone in his right hand."

 My sharpeners never did anything like that!!