Understanding a skater is easy. Go through their bag.
Kleenex: This skater cares about the health of others.
Used Kleenex: This skater needs a mother to clean out the bag. Yeeeuch!
Gloves: Complete with little sparkly SK8R on the backs, This skater is under 10
Gloves: Missing fingers. This skater is either having trouble with jumps or skates with an iPod.
Glove color: Matching gloves--start of the season. Non matching gloves---this skater is normal
Glove color: Black--normal; Red--a rebel; Yellow--cheerful/perky/a fun person to be around; Purple and red--over 50
Soakers: Shaped like an animal--This skater is under 10; Shaped like an animal with a squeaker--under 8
Soakers: Leopard/Tiger print---This skater is a woman in her 30's and knows the address of every bar within 5 miles of the rink.
Soakers: Brocade--this is a woman of mystery, she has secret connections with art dealers, Racehorse breeders, and museum curators. Always skates with earrings on, and wears lipstick. May speak russian.
Soakers: Terry cloth, plain, can be walked in--Do not stand between this skater and the ice. This skater is here to skate, not get style points.
Blade rag: Has their name embroidered on the corner--coach (xmas gift from a skater)
Blade rag: Cut up cotton towel: The skater who thinks anything will do
Blade rag: Microfiber super soaker towel: The skater whose blades don't rust
Jacket: In a color that is part of the marzipan spectrum--teenage girlJacket: Black, plain--an adult skater who is not a coach.
Jacket: Black, sparkly designs--everyone else
Head protection: None--coach. teenager . or an adult not working on back threes
Head protection: Yes--an adult working on back threes
Callus pads: This skater has been skating more than 1 year
Gel pads: This skaters is breaking in new boots.
iPad: Facebook junkie: "Hi I'm at the rink, I just flutzed. I'm going right out and do it again and I'll post an update."
Pencil and pad: Skater over 50.
Screwdriver: This skater is prepared for emergencies
Vodka Screwdriver: This skater is REALLY prepared for emergencies
Starbucks gift card: Coach
Nieman Marcus gift card: Brocade soaker skater
Tie Domi Sports Card: Someone playing for the other side. Hey! we don't let hockey players in here!