Countdown to Dance Test--Russian Expressions of Unhappiness

So the dance test of the Dutch Waltz is next Wednesday. I'm the first to test after warm up. That's either really lucky or coach told the Test Chair "If her legs get cold and stiff, she'll take a toepick and do a face plant." That's almost what happened Monday morning.

I was trying for more power, brought my right leg forward and clipped the ice with my toepick. Coach swore in Russian. Something like Biyalistockmutteranova. Whatever. I don't think I even came close to falling. Dear Coach, if you have time to swear, it's not a crisis.

Between the two of us, Coach is the Diva. Or is it Divum?  Since he's a guy I guess it needs a masculine ending (yes, I did have two years of Latin). Anyway, he's the prima donna. No that's wrong, maybe, primus puer? Oh, let's put it in English, he's got to be in charge at all times.  I'm getting tense over my first skating test, and he's getting bossier than usual because he wants me to do well. No minor infraction goes unnoticed.

For example, Saturday during lesson I did a Wingroll. Geeze louise, you could hear the shouting all the way down the rink. "What is that! That is not a Swing roll! That is awful!" (Small children were knocked over by the power of his voice, and sensitive adults cowered in the corners)

Me (waving my arms in frustration) yelling right back: "I know, I know. I did a Wingroll! I was using the wrong arm!"

Coach in bossy voice while he skates at me like a hockey player after a shot and yelling at the same time. "If you know what it is to be wrong, then why did you do it? If you know what it is to be wrong, then you be the coach, and I'll pay you!"

By this time we're  standing in the center ice yelling at each other to be heard over Christmas carols on the loud speakers.  I yell back. "Tizloy!"

We both burst into laughter.  I'd just told him "You're mean!" in Russian.

"You should learn more Russian." he tells me. So I have. Phonetically. In case you have a Russian coach and want not to,  here they are:

I'm Hopeless!    bez-na-diozh'-na

Not good           neh ho-ro-sho'


So now you can mutter these under your breath. The trick to saying things in Russian, is to sound angry. If you're not thee angry type, get a French coach.