Dance Hold Bickerathon

I know several ice dance couples. One of the things I observed early on was that ice dance consisted of three minutes of skating followed by five minutes of bickering.  A marathon of bickering. The bickerathon.

There's a lot that can go wrong in an ice dance: timing, steps, speed, posture, arm position, turns, head position......  Lots of opportunities for 'vigorous discussion' of trivial errors at the end of a pattern.

Since I'm a lowly student and Dance Coach is a godlike being whose pronouncements come down from on high like the Ten Commandments, there's not actual bickering. There's me asking stupid questions and Dance Coach giving me the answer. I'm naturally bossy and Dance Coach is naturally bossy, it just kills me to not be the bossy one. I get nervous at new skills, or faster skills, and bark at him; I have to say one thing for Dance Coach, since he's top dog, he barks right back at me. To the uninitiated it just looks like bickering.

It goes something like this.

"Is my butt sticking out?" I asked during waltz stroking with me going backwards. 

"Is it my job to look after your butt?" Dance Coach asks in return.

"Yes, it is." At $30 a half hour. This.

"No, is your job to look after your butt." Dance Coach plays the 'responsible for your own skating' card.

I trump him with an 'ace of whiny old lady'. "Man, I can't tell." True. I get a crick in my back if:
 A. my shoulders are in the correct position, or
 B. My butt is in the wrong position.

By this time we're at the end of the rink, the 'conversation' ends.

Recently, I got enough head-body independence to check out our skating in the glass when I'm going backwards in waltz hold. "My butt is not sticking out." I announced at the end of a pattern.  "Good," Dance Coach snaps. God only knows what someone overhearing this thinks.

Then there's the "You're not holding my hand tight enough in Killian position," incident. This has been going on for weeks. I'm negligent about pressing down firmly on Dance Coach's right hand in Killian. "I tell you this over and over, why can't you remember to press down on my hand?" He's in uber-bossy mode.

I snap back at him waspishly, "I don't know. I'm not made of hands." I slap my hand down on his, promising myself 'Next, time I'll remember.' But, I never seem to.

Every lesson has something like this in it. I suppose if I was a kid skater I'd be all passive, and well-behaved, with worshipful eyes staring up at Dance Coach, not ask questions, and just do as I'm told. But I'm an adult skater, I want to progress faster, skate better, and pass my tests. I have LOTS of questions. I'm TENSE when I skate.  Despite my best intentions, this stuff just erupts out of me. What Dance Coach thinks I have no idea. I hope inside, he's laughing.


Please tell me I'm not the only one with lessons like this.

A Danger to Life and Limb

Apparently my accidental  kicking of Dance Coach's boot out from under him has become rink legend. I am now "The one who caused Dance Coach to tell all his skaters 'Don't kill your coach.'" So, of course, I nearly 'killed' him again in a lesson.

Twice.

The lesson started normally; forward stroking followed by the usual routine of chasse' and swingrolls alone and in hold. We're really zipping along now, and while my posture may not be of Olympic caliber,  it's awfully good. I occasionally get glimpses of us in hold in the glass, and while I still look like an elderly lady skating with her grandson, my dance posture is good.

Extension..meh..I look like an elderly lady.

See this? The only way that level of extension will happen for me is with a full body replacement--or a personalized time machine.

Hope Schroeder SFFSC

But Dance Coach and I got through all the exercises in hold, covering the ice in four strokes a side, with nice edges and deep knees. The first thirty minutes are filled with ups and downs of the rink, insides and outsides. This thing and that thing without cease or desist. Finally we get to the Canasta Tango.

Since the Tango is not fun to do on public ice, we're fortunate this is a light session. We start. My power isn't enough to get us into the corners, but it's not awful either. When I do the crossroll on the end pattern, Dance Coach actually makes happy noises. Then during the presentation glide I see my posture in the glass. If I drop 40 lb, I'll look mighty fine.

When we finish our second run through, Dance Coach tilts his head to point down the rink. Two little girls are trying to ice dance together. Apparently, he has fans.

It's in stroking in waltz hold where I get into trouble. As usual, we start with me stroking forward, with him stroking backwards. This goes okay, and we turn so I'm stroking backwards. Only now, I don't really do a good job of turning on the curve. I can feel Dance Coach's hand pushing on my back to get that curve.  Once, twice down the rink. We're 30 minutes into the lesson and after 30 minutes of non-stop fast skating, I'm out of breath. It's been months since this has happened, so I take this as a sign I'm being pushed harder than ever.

I bend over to grip my knees, heaving the air in, while Dance Coach puts on his 'mean Russian coach' comedy act. It goes something like this, "Zo, leetle skater iz out ov zee breeth. Leetle skater need to work harder like zee ryusshan ize danzer. Ryusshan ize danzer feel no pain," I'm still heaving. Dance Coach goes back to his normal voice, "Okay?" I flap a hand around. He makes a few more of his normal voice comments, yakking about my edges and whatever other things seem handy to talk about. I honestly can't remember what he said after we stopped.  I feel like I've run a mile, hard.

Finally, I stand up. "Again?" I say.

We start with the waltz hold stroking with me going backwards for the fourth time. Thinking it might help with the 'not having enough curve' I really get extra deep in the knee for that first stroke, and as we hit the glide I start to roll backwards just as Dance Coach strokes forward....I don't know what happened. I know I caught him off guard and did the unforgivable, I gripped his shoulder and took him with me. We both start to go down. I know he dug in his skates and we didn't hit the ice.

Save me Dance Coach!

Geeze louise, did I get a lecture I deserved. Then we start the exercise again. And it happens again. Only now he was ready for it.

I didn't get a second lecture. For the first time since I started to skate, a coach tells me, "Don't go so deep in the knee."

That seemed to work, I'm still not getting the curve, but I was able to stroke backwards in hold without any problems.

But...

          there's always....

                                    next lesson.

No Test in April :-(

Bummer.

The mid-winter publics I normally take lessons on have been just too crowded to practice dances consistently. It was so bad we actually quit lesson early during one public. It was just impossible to even stroke around. So I've fallen out of  practice of the complete patterns. There is a slight chance  that next week, he'll decide I'm ready, so cross fingers. My problem is that once I'm into the second pattern,  my mind goes blank. I'll practice The Nasty during evening public because after this lesson, I actually feel I have it coming together in my brain.

So, I know you're all questioning, "How did your edges look after the edge class?" Well, the edges are okay. But it's the posture that I'm now working on. The two have to go together.

The upper body is 'better', but not enough. I look at myself in the glass and the upper body is nice face on, until I turn sideways. Sideways, I still have a little bend forward at the hips. Not as much as last week, when it burned my eyes on video, but apparently, I FAIL THE PERFECTION TEST! Anyway, there was Russian finger poking of my spinal column. "Arch here. Line up all the bones. Skate pretty."

Yeah, that's gonna happen.

In the ever shifting standards of kneebend, what was acceptable last month is no longer acceptable. "I want you deeper in the knee." Dance Coach says. I felt I was practically in sitting position, and it annoyed me that apparently there is no mercy for the elderly on ice. "I am deep in the knee," I whine. "Where do you want me, here?" I sarcastically get my butt down to knee level. "Yes," Dance Coach says equally sarcastically. I show him the back of my hand and wiggle my fingers in an annoying way. He laughs.

Dance Coach and I have learned together, that it takes me three repetitions to fix something in my brain. And one of those repetitions has to be solo. Not at speed. Not pretty. Just alone. I guess because I'm an adult he expects me to hear the correction once, then do it perfectly from then on.

I wish.

This is where the FAIL comes in for the Nasty. I take three reps to get the 'lead the turn' part of the last slide chasse'. Three reps to get the two pattern down in my head. Three reps to get comfortable with the beginning. After that, the lesson is over and Dance Coach has the Frowny Face. He's not happy at the end of the lesson, but I'm beginning to feel that I have the dance together. Another go-round and he might have had the Not Quite So Frowny Face As The Frowny Face Earlier.

On the other hand, there's improvement going on behind the scenes that he doesn't know about. I'm over the skating backward when I'm alone phobia. I'm doing alternating back crossovers, and back chasse's. Not big, but they're happening. Some day, in the far distant future, I may be doing Back 3's!