Things Only Figure Skaters Understand: The Skills You Hate Practicing

When your coach asks you to demonstrate a certain skill and  you've been avoiding it

And you know your coach is going to make you do them...

over and over and over

You were expecting the "Mracle on Ice" 'again' gif.

In my case it's the hockey stop. I haven't even attempted one since the Jurassic age. So my coach makes me demonstrate them. "Those are perfectly fine," she says. So hockey stops appeared out of nowhere.

I wish my brackets and back 3's would appear out of nowhere too. #SIGH.

 

Panic Mode!!!

I've been away on business for two weeks, and only had a chance to skate for one hour.

The day I get home, I get an email from the rink reminding me that the the Holiday show is Monday.

I desperately text another skater with a "WTF?!! Show is Monday?!! I don't even have my costume yet! I thought it was a month from now!"

About an hour later I get a reassuring text that show IS next month after all, no matter what the rink said.

 Today, the corrected email from the rink came out.

Also today, the choreographer had about 6 of us show up on public for her to practice with. Then after that, she stayed with my coach and me to go over some stuff. And I got my costume. XXL -- Dance sizing, what can I say.

The choreographer had taken out the quick two foot turns backwards and forwards in a group circe lthat I'm really good at. #SadMe.

BUT! I'm really good at the attitude spirals. Thanks, Coach! 

Status Report

I'm in the 'slow group' so don't expect me to ever reach "Bow Down to me Bitches"

I expect to peak at "I'm not so bad"

Introduction to looking Awkward on Ice

At the end of my lesson my coach tells me to do a two foot sit spin.

I mean, the first one I did was more of a 'crouch spin'. I din't get anywhere near to a  'sit'.

"Your nose is too far forward, " she said, "Keep it no further forward than your knee. And try to actually SIT."

Probably something like this

Go here to see this in slo-mo
It's sort of like sit spin porn

Okay, okay. I get into a slow two foot spin, lower my ass toward the floor, bend my knees to the point where I think 'If I go any further, I'll need an X-ray" then I went beyond that (still rotating), and lifted my foot.  Maybe, there was a half or 3/4 rotation with one foot raised.

There was shocked silence from my coach. "I didn't think you could lift your foot." So, that probably means she'll be putting 'sit spins' in lesson rotations.

"Well, I can't actually stand UP from one foot though". Just to kill the idea I can do sit spins and keep them out of lesson rotation. There's a subtle war going on there.


After lesson, my coach told me about the time she was doing a sit spin and her old, broken down boot gave away and she fell off the edge, slamming her face into the ice. She was black and blue on one side of her face.

"Why did you tell me that?" I ask. "I could be traumatized."

She didn't actually roll her eyes , but came close. "Oh, don't worry, your boots are nowhere NEAR broken down enough for that to happen."

Honestly. I've been thrown off horses, any fear of a spin-faceplant is just silly. But part of my mind went "Wait! Wait! IT COULD STILL HAPPEN!" for about 30 seconds anyway. Then I shrugged it off. Hearing dramatic fall stories is just part of the sport.

It's Just So Cold

I Had To Wear Every Glove in My Bag

And that was INSIDE the Rink

The Dramatic Pose

So my coach is helping me work on my skating for the Christmas show.

Part of the number has a piece of footwork with swingroll-twizzle-dramatic pose.

Apparently, I suck at dramatic poses.

"Oh, dear god," she says, "Why do you roll your shoulders up like that? The pose is supposed to be graceful, with one foot forward, with erect, posture and arms back."

Apparently rolling my shoulders up and back like a weight lifter getting ready for a snatch and grab is 'wrong'.

It's supposed to be a push back with erect posture

Only, when I do it, my coach says,

"Now your boobs stick out too much"

 

Well, I'm going to be in the middle of a circle with the tall people on the outside. I don't think anyone will notice!!! Boobs be damned!

Shocking the Coach...

Part of our Christmans show has a quick inside swing role as part of some foot work.

FO3, turn forward, chasse', swing roll, dramatic pose, lunge, twizzle...

Okay, simple enough, but even though the music is slow, that stuff seems like it's coming pretty quick because I feel like I'm always skating just a half a beat behind. My dance coach used to bitch about this.

"Why can't you get on the beat!"

 

 

So, since the swingroll is in the middle, I just quick kick through it to make sure I get on the beat.

My coach gives me a look of shock.

"How do you do that without killing yourself?!"

Apparently , I kick through the swingroll without bending my knee and there's some posture thing going on. It looks like I should be falling backwards.

I think about it a second, "I guess I have such a big ass that it lowers my center of gravity. It feels okay."

 My coach's expression to that

Honestly, I was steady, but I thought she was going to reach out to grab me. Maybe if it looks really scary I can work it into a program sometime.

 

Rebuilding an Insole

At Lake Placid my insole came apart. I did a temp fit and forgot about it. Then last week the 'fix' broke apart.

So I went and did a permanent fix.

That broke apart.

So I fixed that.

Fix 3 didn't give my big toe enough support.

So I fixed that.

And fix four made it better, but not enough.

I'm Now Here

I actually had to leave group it hurt so bad.

I'm now back to the stage where I have to show up at the ring with a handful of different brands of insoles and a pair of scissors and spend an entire session doing nothing but gettin on and off the ice and making adjustments.  There goes two hours of my life.

The Lobby of the Rink Will Look Like This

 

Things only Figure Skaters Understand: Significant Others

 When you feel you have to defend your time skating

to your family and friends