Six Stages of Adult Skating- Now Illustrated!

1. Disbelief

"You want me to do what with my foot and put it where while I'm doing this with my arms?"

2. Disorganization

"Okay, I got my foot there, now why can't I do that at the same time?"

3. Denial

"I don't care what coach says, nobody over the age of 9 can learn this."

4. Deliberation

"Well, maybe if I alter my hip position, thus, and add a little upper body swing...."

5. Dominate the Move!

"Ta-Da!"

6. Disbelief

"What does coach mean it's not perfect? Coaches, they're never happy."

What keeps me from skating?

Early in the day: Emergency Alert from National Weather Service

Flood Warning

Okay, okay, that's 20 miles the opposite way from the rink. The rink is clear. I can make it.

An hour later: National Weather Service advises

Severe Thunderstorm Alert

Okay, that's more serious. But the roads are good down there and don't flood. I can still make it.

Then, I start coughing and by 3 pm...

I'm hard core, but even I have to draw the line somewhere!