Frames Of Death!

 Technically they're called 'skating aids', those usually metal frames that are rented to families with little kids to push around on public ice.

I hates 'em.

First off, they hold up the kid and the kid having no sense goes as fast as he can. Can he stop? No. Does he care that he's in center ice? No. Do kids leave the frames on the ice next to the gate? Yes. Do teenagers get hold of them and fight 'ice wars' with them? Yes.

My worst experience. A kid picked one up at threw it at my head. It wasn't personal. He wanted to throw something, I happened to be in the way. I gave him the rough edge of my tongue.

Still, using a skating aid has a long, long history. The earliest pictures I've seen use a chair. This makes sense. Cheap stable, and on outdoor ice it gives you something to sit on after you get off the ice.

The original skating aid

Interestingly, in China there's a long history of outdoor chair skating. It's evolved into some elaborate equipment. I think you push yourself along with the sticks.

But people came up with other designs.

Yes, this is weird.

But there's many, many patented designs for frames around the world.

The Break Your Heart Version

The one with the modesty panel
(Actually, this seemed the safest)

This one screams "Nose Breaker"

The one that will roll over

These are adjustable and I've seen a lot of broken ones

There's also a polar bear version

 But there are skating frames that defy rationality.

The double banana version
I think the parent pushes
and the kids ride.
Maybe.

The buy your own, portable frame
Why, God, Why

Good idea having a metal bar at groin level.
This.is.insane.
It's from a rink in the U.S.

But just when you think it couldn't get any worse, someone comes up with the ultimate skating frame. A two seater.

Undergoing off ice trials now!

So, take heart, whatever frames are on ice at your rink, it could be worse!

What Do Ice Tourists See?

Since there was no freestyle this weekend, and Miss Cheerleader let me know that Publics were still super crowded, I wasn't able to skate this weekend.

All the local rinks are like this right now
Why can't they put one in MY town.....

So I got to thinking about what it was like the first time I was an Ice Tourist. Since I started skating my idea about what is going on on the ice has completely changed. Today I want you to reach back into your memory about what it was like, 'the first time'.

First off, what's with all the screaming? 

Then, almost every one clings to the boards (I at least could do slaloms) and inches their way around the rink. But there are a few who have taken lessons, and these brave souls get away from the boards and stroke for all they're worth...

Yep, this is me

What the Ice Tourist sees.....

"OMG! Look at her!"

(I once zipped past an Ice Tourist and she called out "How do you DO that!" It was a very gratifying moment.)

And then there are the hockey boys who set out to scare people. They look something like this, short little 11 year olds, traveling in packs, usually of three.

What the Ice Tourist sees....

"Run, Run, Run from Ghidorah before it destroys us all!"

And what about the little girls in the center ice, doing their jumps that you can barely pass a credit card between the ice and the blade. 

What the girls are doing....

Look at me jump!

What the Ice Tourists sees....

"Look at her jump!"

Anyway, I can't wait until summer when public ice is like this....

My Grand Entrance---

We all have dreams.

My dream was that when I got back on the ice, I'd make a GRAND ENTRANCE....You know: style, sweep, smoooooooth.....

             I come in the rink and I'm welcomed with              
 love from staff and skaters

Then I get on the ice and I'm
strong and powerful

Meh, what I really looked like was wacky flailing inflatable tube guy..

Yeah, lookin' like a Basic 3 skater, sad....

And to top off the humiliation while standing still at the boards, with my hand on the boards, I caught a toepick and went down like wacky flailing inflatable tube guy when they turn off the fans...

How can I do a faceplant while I'm holding onto the boards?

Other than that, good day on ice!