Hernando's Hut of Skating Requirements--Adult Skater Party

If we go to Hernando's Hut of Skating Requirements, we find everything arranged perfectly for the adult skater: perfect ice, select coaches, masseuses, warming rooms, and also the perfect adult skating party.

So, earlier the adult skating party came up in the post on Birthday Parties at the Rink. This resulted in some discussion in the comments, and I've had time to think about it. Today I'm going to lay out what I think a perfect skating party would be like.

1. Saturday. Right before public. I have my reasons.

2. Lots of male figure skaters. So shoot me, I like watching men figure skate. Towards me, away from me, jumping, ice dancing. Whatever. I have a friend, the Big Guy, 6'3", 280 lbs. Beautiful edges. Skating backwards into a jump entrance, he's the sexiest thing alive. So must have guys at party.

3. Complete control of the music box by party members. No manager in some office somewhere running it like a public.

4. Ice resurfaced immediately before party time.

5. Large sign on the gate: "Private Party. No Kids Allowed." The gate will be closed. Hockey boys entering the ice will be picked up by male figure skaters and unceremoniously dropped back on the matting and the gate slammed in their face.

6. Guest Coach. This is tricky, as many of my skating friends are coaches already. So, figuring out how to hold a fun group class when some of the partiers are coaches, well, the only thing I can think of is make it a dance coach and let the other coaches be partners to the uninitiated.

7. Guess Coach must be happy and cheerful.

So, happy coach

NOT,  grumpy coach

8. Brunch after skating

9. Drinkies!

Not this kind of drunken revelry

More like, sophisticated revelry

And why do I want the party to be right before public? Because I want all the public skaters to see adults skating, having classy food, and sophisticated fun! They will ENVY us!

"Mary, I think we need to take skating lessons
so we can have fun like that!"

Invisible Toepick!

Remember "The Cutting Edge"?  If people have seen only one figure skating movie, that was it. And I know a respectable number of grown men who saw it. Any non-skater who's seen it all ask,

"How do you keep from tripping off those toepicks?"

Excuse me? Do forward falls not happen in other places? Other sports? Or is it always due to invisible toepicks?

Skateboarding: Invisible Toepick!

Biking: Invisible Toepick! 

Walking on the Beach: INvisible Toe Pick!

Soccer: Toepick!
OMG, GREAT FORM!

Even the animal kingdom--that is not know for wearing skates:
TOEPICK!

I meet men women who skate in hockey skates because "I'm afraid of tripping on the toepicks."  I guess they think they're safer.

The great Bobby Hull does NOT catch a toepick.
Hockey skates must be safe!

Ditto: No toepicks here either
Complete safety.

No toepick here either--
Nothing to see here--move along

Strangely, I could not find one single picture outside of "The Cutting Edge" of someone tripping on a toepick!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY--TO YOU!

I don't know what rink started the genius idea of birthday parties at the rink. Brilliant! Money! Maker! Supply a cake costing $20, but charge $50, an empty room, and a coach that costs $20 a half hour and charge $50! Who thought this up! OMG! the money just rolls in!

Rink Manager  counting up the birthday party profits

Some weekends the birthday parties are so numerous that the rink has to stagger them so they can get the maximum profit out of each party room (on in the case of one rink, each party table).

I don't mind birthday parties on public. Let's face it, the kids are just adorable....

"Hello, I'm 5, and here's all my friends.
Where's my cake?"

It's up to the poor coach to herd the party together and get some teaching in. This forces the coach to being happy, smiling, sweet to the kids, but really all grumbly underneath. The coaches I've talked to do not like Birthday Parties. I see a lot of eye rolling, and frowns when coaches tell me about party coaching.

How the party skaters see the coach

What the coach is thinking!

But what I hate are party parents. You know who I mean. The adults who hang out in the gate, taking pictures. I can't get on the ice; I can't get off the ice. The parents are blocking the gate.

I don't blame them for wanting to take pictures, it's really very sweet. But they're just oblivious. There's 200 people getting off an on the ice and the parent just hangs there, pointing the camera desperately at their kid and yelling at them to 'Come over here!'

So in the spirit of being a good rink citizen, if they're that desperate for pictures I offer to take them for them. The parent will usually hand me their camera or phone, and I'll spent 4 minutes taking pictures of the party while I skate around. Give the phone back and miracle of miracles, the parent goes and sits down in the bleachers leaving the gate open.

And I build up karma points!

Guys with $800 cameras and no skating skills on the ice trying to take pictures of the party? I just let them alone.  I can never figure out expensive cameras, and I don't want to be the one to drop it! Let the guy who owns it catch a toepick and drop it.

Toepick!
Bummer about the camera man....

(Someday though, I want to rent the rink for a private party, invite all my skating buddies, then have some famous coach show up and give a group lesson...plus drinkies after!)