Countdown to Dance Test--Russian Expressions of Unhappiness

So the dance test of the Dutch Waltz is next Wednesday. I'm the first to test after warm up. That's either really lucky or coach told the Test Chair "If her legs get cold and stiff, she'll take a toepick and do a face plant." That's almost what happened Monday morning.

I was trying for more power, brought my right leg forward and clipped the ice with my toepick. Coach swore in Russian. Something like Biyalistockmutteranova. Whatever. I don't think I even came close to falling. Dear Coach, if you have time to swear, it's not a crisis.

Between the two of us, Coach is the Diva. Or is it Divum?  Since he's a guy I guess it needs a masculine ending (yes, I did have two years of Latin). Anyway, he's the prima donna. No that's wrong, maybe, primus puer? Oh, let's put it in English, he's got to be in charge at all times.  I'm getting tense over my first skating test, and he's getting bossier than usual because he wants me to do well. No minor infraction goes unnoticed.

For example, Saturday during lesson I did a Wingroll. Geeze louise, you could hear the shouting all the way down the rink. "What is that! That is not a Swing roll! That is awful!" (Small children were knocked over by the power of his voice, and sensitive adults cowered in the corners)

Me (waving my arms in frustration) yelling right back: "I know, I know. I did a Wingroll! I was using the wrong arm!"

Coach in bossy voice while he skates at me like a hockey player after a shot and yelling at the same time. "If you know what it is to be wrong, then why did you do it? If you know what it is to be wrong, then you be the coach, and I'll pay you!"

By this time we're  standing in the center ice yelling at each other to be heard over Christmas carols on the loud speakers.  I yell back. "Tizloy!"

We both burst into laughter.  I'd just told him "You're mean!" in Russian.

"You should learn more Russian." he tells me. So I have. Phonetically. In case you have a Russian coach and want not to,  here they are:

I'm Hopeless!    bez-na-diozh'-na

Not good           neh ho-ro-sho'


So now you can mutter these under your breath. The trick to saying things in Russian, is to sound angry. If you're not thee angry type, get a French coach.

Stiff Boots Rescue--Katz Straps

Since we're in the run up before Christmas, with prezzies and giftees on everyone's mind, I thought I'd add one more thing to the list: Katz Straps.

I use these every time I skate

Say you're breaking in new boots, or you have stiff boots and want more ankle bend, but you don't like the feel of your boots with the top hooks unlaced; What do you do?

Well, a few years ago I met a former professional skater turned coach, Kathy Hurd Carillo. She showed me how she used homemade elastic straps to loop over the hooks for speed lacing. I liked that idea, and I started using heavy ponytail holders to hold my top hooks together. These kinda held the top hooks together, but not firmly enough.  And they broke. And they popped off unexpectedly. And one pair stained my boots (thank goodness they weren't in my hair!). But they were (marginally) better than nothing.

Then, this summer, I ran into Kathy again, and she told me she had invented Katz Straps to do what I wanted! They hold the top hooks with enough firmness to keep them together, but have enough elasticity to allow for deep ankle bend even in new boots!

These straps are made of industrial grade U.S. manufactured elastic and come with their own little carabiner to attach them to your skate bag. They're sized to perfectly fit over your hook--not too big, not too small.  They're even USFSA approved, which I think means you can wear them in competitions. You can also dye them with RIT dye.  Although the ones in my pictures are white, I know there are guys that  use them so I guess she makes them in black too.

I'll never lose them

I've tried both the regular size and a slightly larger pair, so she can make custom sizes. They really make skating in stiff boots easier, and as a side benefit keep your lace ends tucked out of the way. On her website Kathy has other benefits related to jumping, of which I am completely Ice Dance ignorant, so check it out.

Perfect!

You can reach Kathy at her website, and order them from her there.

Love 'em. Love 'em. Love 'em.

Hips, Knees, and Elbows--Part III The Elbow

This took a month to heal. You can't really see the green
skin in this photo. 

The first skating protection I adopted were elbow pads. Here's a picture of the reason why. I was doing figure 8's and abruptly fell off an outside edge directly onto my elbow.

Although it's unlikely that you can break your elbow, even a light fall onto the joint can be excruciating. 

I tooled around the usual sports stores and finally came up with the skateboarding pads below. I wore these for a year. In fact there's a lot of variety of these at Amazon. They all look equally effective.

I got stares when I wore these.

Then one day I'd had enough. These things took up too much space in my boot bag, and I hadn't fallen on my elbow in a year. I gave my set to someone's son, And started skating with bare elbows.

I know. You're thinking: She fell again. Nope, sorry, I've not fallen on my elbows since. But that memory of that fall stayed with me. 

So I was buying knee pads at the Skating Safe site, and I came across these molded elbow pads.

Drool. I love these.

Faster than greased lightning I added a pair to my order. They are designed not to show under a costume in competition. (Skating safe also has a less expensive square elbow pad that works very well. I think it would be hard to see under a costume's sleeves if they were loose.)

Rather than wearing the retention sleeve the company provides, I wear biker's arm warmers to hold the elbow pads in place. I like the arm warmers, since you can wear them instead of a jacket.

The only problem with these is that they are friggin' expensive. I've had jewelry that cost less than these. I'm on my second pair because, I once had cash, a cell phone, and a Flip camera in my skate bag, but someone stole a pair of these, leaving the rest behind. I guess they figured I wouldn't call the cops over a pair of elbow pads.

"Roger. We have a 10-211* in progress.
Send in the SWAT team.
We've got a freestyle session to frisk
and skate bags to search."

* 10-211 = Armed Robbery...Get it? Elbow pads--'armed' robbery? Sigh. Man, nobody likes my jokes.